Dont Hide From Me
by RoseDare
Summary: All Elsa has ever known is isolation and survival. What happens when someone threatens the walls she hides behind? Will she be able to thaw her frigid heart and trust, or will she succumb to a fate of fear and pain?
1. Prologue

_Prologue__**:**_

_**(It's funny how some distance makes everything feel small)**_

"_I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives." –Jane Austen_

* * *

Elsa took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

Her fingertips curled toward her palm, and her nails dug into her skin.

_Deep breaths, Elsa._

Slowly, she pushed that little flicker of heat inside of her and guided it toward her hand.

She had always found it odd that what lay beneath her skin, whatever it was, a gift, a curse…felt like heat. It felt cozy and warm. Only when it was released did the fire turn to ice.

She felt the familiar pull in her wrist. Her body was fighting her, urging her to release the flame altogether and let her power reign free. But she had to control it. She needed to control it.

Her brow furrowed as she leaned against the wall.

"Come on…come on…" she murmured.

The flame seemed to obey her, stopping at her wrist and buffeting at her palm.

A small smile curled at her lips as she held herself there. Right on the edge.

Okay…just a little more.

She gently pushed it forward into her palm.

"Elsa?"

Her eyes flew open and the control vanished as a spear of ice flew from her palm and shattered against the roof.

Damn it.

"Elsa? Please? I know you're in there."

She stayed silent, throwing a stray shard of melting ice into the carpet.

What good would come from an answer? In the end, a relationship would hurt her. Elsa wouldn't ever hurt Anna again. She refused to.

Isolation was easier. It made sense.

She reached for the glove on her lap and donned it slowly, watching as the shimmering pale skin disappeared behind the emerald velvet.

She heard Anna lean her forehead on the door, not knowing Elsa sat just on the other side.

"Elsa, please. I need you."

Elsa closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.

_Don't let her in, Elsa. It's not safe. Be cold. Protect her. _  
_Be the good girl you always have to be_.

But god…it was so hard. It was so hard closing herself away from her. Pretending she didn't care. Pretending she didn't hear the mourning bells, ringing for her parents.

She looked at the oil painting hiding in the shadows. Her father looked over mother's head back at her.

His eyes were strong and sure, and she took strength from them.

She'd failed them before, but never again.

She would be strong. She would protect Anna from the monster behind the door.

* * *

**_A/N: _**

_So here's the Prologue! Big props to my beta Bran!_

_More will come as I can force myself to stop editing and post-probably in a day or two. Leave reviews, they make for a faster update!_


	2. Chapter One

_Chapter One:_

_**(No! Why? Why do you shut me out? Why do you shut THE WORLD out? What are you so AFRAID of?)**_

"_She lives in a world of her own – a world of – little glass ornaments…"  
― __Tennessee Williams_

"_This will be a winter so desolate, only memory can fill the emptiness"  
― __John Geddes_

* * *

Elsa couldn't see the gate from where she sat, nor could she hear the musical chatter of peasants as they gawked and waved awkwardly at the approaching noblemen, yet she could feel it in her ribcage.

She felt each vibration as they stepped from their gold encrusted carriages onto the fresh dew that clung to the grass. She could smell their perfume as they reapplied liberally, and adjusted their corsets just a little higher up to adorn themselves with just a little more bare skin.

She felt all of it. She didn't need to see them, didn't need to know how many there were, to know that she was simply not up to snuff with their polished manners.

She had practiced, of course. Her side of the house included her father's old study, which had afforded her some books from which to learn.

Not two hours ago she had been sitting behind his desk, desperately trying to remember if the second fork was the salad fork or the dessert fork. Or was the dessert utensil a spoon?

She had given up on learning their purposes and had just decided to imitate whatever the noblemen and women were doing around her. Either that or starve.

She looked to her dusty closet from where she sat on the floor and scanned for something suitable to wear.

All her gowns were red or greens, deep rich satin mixed with soft velvet. Her mother's.

Her mother was a true beauty. Silky brunette locks, big green eyes thickly framed with long dark lashes.

Nothing like her.

She remembered being a little girl and bundling her hair inside one of her hats, pretending she looked like Anna.

Oh, Anna.

She hadn't seen her in more than three years…the last outing when she delivered the ceremonial memorial for her fallen parents.

She remembered gripping the rail in front of her as she gave the speech, shaking hard, feeling her whole body tremble with a fiery burning.

The flames always licked inside of her, but around others, the fire roared.

Anna must have thought it was out of grief that Elsa sputtered and stiffened, but in reality, it was a desperate grip on her control.

She remembered the day she had received word of her parents' demise. She didn't cry or weep. She didn't yell or throw things or do anything she ought to have.

No. She had lain beside the door, listening to Anna's sobs like a coward.

She had loved her parents, but when they died she had felt nothing but a numbing cold. It was the only time she had ever felt affected by the chill in the air.

Their absence from her life, as bad as it sounded, wasn't huge for her. She was still alone, secluded.

After the…incident with Anna, they had locked her away and had seen to it that Anna lived as normal a life as possible away from Elsa.

Leaving Elsa to fend for herself.

She rose to her feet and walked slowly to the closet, thumbing behind the rest, until her fingers felt rough fabric.

She pulled out the dress, enclosed in a garment bag, running her eyes over the visible collar.

Her mother had spoken about this dress.

This was the dress she had worn to her coronation. Ruby red, jeweled around the waist, glittering with power, demanding respect.

She looked to the door, holding the dress to her chest.

If she were here, she wouldn't have wanted Elsa to wear it.

She walked to the door, turning the lock carefully, peeking through the crack.

She had to blink hard at the beam of light that hit her eyes. Compared to her shadowed, dark half of the house, Anna's was bright and beautiful.

Carefully she hung the dress on the knob, closing the door once again and locking it with a click.

Turning back to the darkness, her eyes readjusted and she grabbed the first gown she saw, not caring one ounce if Anna outshined her.

Anna deserved her chance to be free from this prison for one night.

-X-

"M-Madame?"

Elsa looked over at the small man holding the door knob.

"Are you ready for the entrance Madame?"

She almost laughed.

Ready? How could she ever be ready?

She nodded softly, in what she hoped was a demurely gentle kind of way.

She straightened her spine, just as she had practiced in the mirror, and put on the mask of cold indifference.

She felt the fire in her chest flicker at the sound of chatter from the hall, but held her hands in fists behind her.

_Breathe, Elsa. Come on, you're ready for this. _

"Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats."

She heard the rustling of skirts and hushed giggles.

After a moment, the sounds of the crowd quieted, and she heard only her own heartbeat and the guard at the other side of the door.

The music started to play, and she closed her eyes briefly.

She knew that at the other end of the hall, behind the door parallel to hers, was Anna.

She wondered what she looked like now. The last time they had seen each other her skin was glowing with childhood purity and her eyes were big pools of green. Just like their mother's.

Would she be holding her breath? Straightening her hair and fidgeting, or excited and bouncing in place?

The reality of the situation was that she didn't know. She and her sister were strangers.

The man to her left counted down softly.

"Entrance in five…four…three…two…"

The doors were gently pulled open, exposing her to the crowd of excited guests.

Her eyes were level. Scanning their faces, her eyes calm and icy.

Elsa was suddenly very aware of the taste of the open air. The windows had been drawn open and sunlight poured into the marble hall, illuminating each staring face.

She drew her attention across the way, toward the other staircase.

There, Anna stood.

She wore the dress Elsa had set out for her, and looked every inch as beautiful as any princess she'd ever seen.

Elsa heard the coughing below her, and snapped her attention back to her guests, feeling Anna's eyes on her, scorching her skin.

Her hands ached from the rigid pose she held, but she didn't tremble this time. She was better at hiding it.

"My honored guests. My sister and I thank you for your arrival and hope your journey was safe and enjoyable. As you know, it is…" Elsa paused a moment, her fists clenching harder as she tightened her hold on herself before continuing "it is customary for the reigning King and Queen to coronate the upcoming leaders."

She felt all eyes on her, hanging on every word.

Jesus, the pain in her arms was becoming unbearable.

"But because my father and mother have passed on, may they rest in peace," the crowd mirrored her sentiment and she continued, "this tradition won't be upheld due to circumstance. Instead, Pastor Reeves will perform the crowning."

Deep breath.

She stepped back from the rail and moved down the stairs with her sister as the music rose louder.

At the end of the hall Pastor Reeves stood, smiling softly down at the two of them.

When she reached the floor, she was gritting her teeth, digging her nails into her palms. Being this close to Anna, now shoulder to shoulder, was so dangerous.

It almost seemed like the fire inside of her knew her struggle and roared viciously. She steeled herself, trying not to double over from the exertion.

"Elsa?" Anna whispered, her brow furrowed.

Elsa bit back a huff of pain, and instead stayed silent, her eyes dead set on the end of the hall.

In the corner of her eye, she saw Anna sigh heavily and look toward the floor, crestfallen yet again.

_Oh Anna, if only you knew._

-X-

She heaved the door closed and slumped against it.

It was done. Thank god.

She slid down to the carpet, breathing hard, swiping a shaking hand across her hair.

The coronation had gone smoothly, the pastor being sweet and gentle with Anna as he tended to Elsa.

Her fingers brushed against the cold hard gold buried between her snowy locks, and she groaned inwardly.

She didn't doubt she could be a good queen. She had been studying her kingdom's history since she was born, readying herself for the day when she would take the crown and find a King to rule beside her.

She knew all the trading routes, all the expenditures, all the relations…she was ready.

Her only fear wa- as silly as it may sound - leaving the safe shadows of her halls.

How long could she hide this curse? She had to believe it was forever. She had to trust that she could…would never let another soul see what she was capable of.

She would learn to vanquish the feelings of the hot fire from inside of her.

At least, that was what she hoped for.

She looked to the floor length mirror, and stared at herself.

The Queen of Arendelle sitting alone, panting in the darkness.

Running a hand over her neck, she heaved herself up onto shaky knees and made her way to her bathing room, standing over the wash basin and scrubbing her face viciously.

She couldn't get that stinging from behind her eyes to stop. That feeling that she was failing Anna.

When she had reached out to her, and Elsa had turned away, she had almost choked on the loneliness she radiated.

Anna wasn't made for isolation as Elsa was. Elsa could survive the long months alone, but Anna was too good. Too open.

She looked at the sundial by her window. She had about an hour to freshen up before the congratulatory ball.

She decided to rinse her hair, and after drying it, pin it back in a harsh bun.

For some reason when her hair was up she felt more in control. More able to compartmentalize what was around her and focus more on her own survival.

She looked briefly to the rouge on the adjacent table, but decided against it. Makeup wasn't any use to someone who didn't have any reason to impress.

Besides, people knew what she looked like.

She slid out of her gown and reached for the one that her uncle had sent her from Romalia.

She smiled softly.

He was a good man, not that she had seen him in over ten years or had ever actually conversed with him. No. She just remembered his presence as a very young girl.

He used to call her _"Milaroon."_

When she was small, she had begged him to explain what it meant but he had never relented. Only recently, through reading, had she found out it meant "mountain" in Grekkan, the language of Romalia.

She had never understood it.

She stepped into the purple lace, the dress molding to her skin tightly, hugging her curves.

This would have to do.

-X-

"I was so heartbroken to hear of the former King and Queen, milady. They were always generous with their trading and always allowed us to use your bordering canal to the Arridean Sea."

Elsa pretended to listen as she kept her eyes on a giggling Anna, socializing beautifully with the royals around her.

"Anyway, if you ever find yourself in Marshine, don't hesitate to call. We've just opened the north tower, with some of our finest rooms…"

Elsa held her breath and tensed as Anna reached for the wine, but after taking a sip coughed and meekly set it back down on the server's tray.

She breathed through her nose, and looked down at the nobleman in front of her, holding his stick-thin wife next to him.

"I thank you for your invitation, friend Durnik, but I fear I won't be able to accept your generous offer for a while longer. I have my hands full here, you see. But stay as long as you'd like, and drink to our successful business and the future." She took a glass from a passing tray and handed it to him before taking one for herself, throwing it back.

"Be merry, Durnik. Dance with your wife. The night is still young."

* * *

**_A/N: _**_All hail Queen Elsa! Haha!_

_I hope you enjoyed the chapter-I wanted to post it fast so you all could see whats in store here. Leave me reviews, it lets me know someone's actaully reading:)_

_Shout out to my beta Bran! Love you!_


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